Xena and Gabrielle are owned by whoever bought them from MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. I dont intend to infringe on anyones rights and Im not making a penny off it. Im just havin a good time. Kinda at their expense.
Explanation: Im making my way - albeit at a snails pace - through the genres of fanfiction. This is my shot at offering another perspective to an episode. It was the perspective I thought the creators of the show overlooked. The perspective of the self-interested bureaucrat.
Sex: None, thats why its so short.
When Fates Collide:
Another Tough Day At The Office
by Creme Brulee
So were all standing here chained to this pillar. Its been ages, but we cant move. We can weave fate, true, but when it comes to magically wrought iron chains, were out of tricks. And I dont mean to be unkind, but the maiden and the crone are getting on my last nerve strand. One more ephemeral dictum or ominous complaint about chaffing and I'm losin' it. We cant get off of this pillar until someone frees us. This is a problem. As fates, its our job to weave the tapestry that brings a certain rhyme and reason to the goings on around here. Without us, the shit hits the fan.
Just look at that mess. That pile of writhing, iridescent strands on the floor over there was once our magic and organized loom. Until some crazed escapee from downstairs got in here and decided hed tie us up and screw with the basic fibre of humanity. Its no joke to mess with our loom. Its not like rearranging some index cards, its a little more complicated than that. Otherwise, they wouldnt have put us in charge of it for a friggin eon. And I can tell you the jobs been a bitch. Ive had to watch the same humans make the same damn mistakes, over and over and over again, but if theyve got a blue thread, they go in the blue part and well then, there you have it...
I suppose you could argue, that we help them make those mistakes endlessly. But its a living, Im not complaining. And when you look at the employment opportunities for gods these days, theyre not too promising. Xenas kind of skewed the market. Shes probably getting it good now. Serves her right, shes always such a pain in the ass. Bursting in here with that smug, Yeah, yeah, I already know the ending look. Well you dont know squat now sister. Serves her right, copping an attitude with the Fates. Never a good idea.
I cant quite make out all of whats happening in the life strands of the tapestry from over here, but it looks like Caesar was successful in building his alternative timeline and getting Xena in it. Amateur. Itll never last. The way those life strands are melting and joining, hes going to have some nasty surprises before his little game comes tumbling down. Along with everything else.
Whats that noise? Whos making that racket, storming in here? Another one! Its her! The bard. Ooh, I always liked her better. Knows how to show a little respect to her elders. Sweet kid, doesnt cop too much of an attitude unless the warriors watching her.
She walks over and removes the lit torch from the sconce above our heads. Finally, a little help. But she doesnt pause to unchain us, she walks over to the loom, mumbling something. She sounds kind of peeved. Must be having another tiff with the warrior. What that woman puts her through - Ill never understand humans. Its now clear that the bard means to destroy the loom.
Are you out of your freakin mind? I ask her.
She doesnt answer, but throws the torch into the frame and we stand helpless watching it catch fire and begin to implode. Man o man, I hate when this shit happens. Distressed humans are the worst. And thats about the only kind we deal with directly because by the time theyve gotten through our security and made it to our weaving room, theyve been through a lot.
Oh great, and now weve got do the transmogrification. I hate this part, it always gives me indigestion. The energy spindles are reaching out from the loom and wrapping around us. I hope the chains dont cause a problem here, because itd be a real bitch if I get sucked through the links before Ive fully vaporized.
I stand here rubbing my stomach. I get reflux every damn time from the pressure the change exerts on my abdomen. The crone and the maiden say you get used to it, but I can hardly imagine thats the case. They say that we can take a mental health day or two as the loom regenerates itself. Im looking forward to messing with the bards strand. Man has she got a couple of surprises in store for her. That damn warrior too. Im sure that somehow this is her fault.
The Crone says that each time the loom regenerates, the strands are tight at first. Its like theyre trying to return to the original order that they had before we started weaving them. I asked her what it was like before we started weaving, I cant remember. She says that the gods created the loom to make it easier to keep the humans conveniently preoccupied with their own lives and leave the governing of things up to us. We untangled the strands from the ungodly mess they were in and began to weave them. I wonder how this is going to work without the rest of the gods to supervise the process... No matter, Im not going job hunting in this market. As long as the loom is here, Ill weave.
Note: I've made the Welcome Page a What's New type area. Tryin' to localize and centralize an' all that.